"Dealing with difficult people"

People become difficult when things don’t go their way. So what exactly is “their way”?

In a dental practice environment, dealing
with difficult people is probably the
dentist’s biggest source of aggravation.
As a dentist, you could say “running a dental
practice would be easy if it wasn’t for the
people problems”. Teeth can be easily fixed;
people are more difficult. Just as some
people bring out the best in you, others bring
out the worst. Of course I’m referring to
both staff and patients. Someone said business
would be easy if it wasn’t for the
customers. Problem is, you can’t do without
either so you better figure out how to deal
with difficult people otherwise life won’t be
worth drilling... I mean living.
Every behaviour, whether acceptable or
problematic, has a primary intent or purpose
that it is trying to accomplish. These
are either to:
1. Get the task done;
2. Get the task right;
3. Get along with people; or
4. Get appreciated by people.
Your ability to recognize these four
behavioural traits is the first step in influencing
people to change their behaviour,
and whilst you can’t change difficult
people, you can communicate with them
in such a way as they change themselves.
We each deal with conflict, stress and
anger differently. The fact is we each boil
at different temperatures. Let’s look at
these four styles and see how each acts
and reacts.
The chart indicates the four behavioural
style zones. Normal behaviour is the central
zone. We are neither very aggressive
or very passive, we manage doing tasks as
we cooperate and interact with people
when doing our job. When we get stressed
or annoyed our behaviour moves off to the
zone that represents our personal style.
We each have a personal purpose as to
how we want things done:
1. Drivers (the action people) want to get
the task done now.
2. Promoters (the fun people) want to be
appreciated.
3. Supporters (the team people) just want
to get along.
4. Analysers (the detail people) want to
get it done correctly.
When these goals become frustrated
then each style “becomes difficult”.
Drivers in the D-zone
Drivers have a need to get things done.
They want jobs completed quickly.
When this goal is frustrated it distorts
their perception. They think people are
wasting time, going off on a tangent,
taking too long, taking advantage of
them, doing other things and so on.
Driver become assertive. They can
quickly be come argumentative, controlling,
loud and abusive. Like a bulldozer
they want to push their way through,
or over any obstacle. That’s the
quickest most direct route to solving a
problem. If it creates another one, no
problem, they’ll solve that next. They

focus on getting the task done. They
are not interested in people’s feelings.
People are secondary to getting the
job done.
Promoters in the P-zone
Promoters need to be recognized and
appreciated. That’s what drives this
style. When this doesn’t happen
Promoters feel isolated, unloved and
unwanted. Outbursts can occur in
the form of explosions. Lack of positive
feedback causes a temper tantrum.
“I don’t know why I bother, no one
really cares”. These explosions are
uncontrolled. It can take the form
of sly personal criticism or it can be
in the form of a person “who thinks
they know it all”. When they don’t get
appreciated their behaviour becomes
“attention getting”. They become difficult
to ignore.
Supporters in the S-zone
Supporters want to get along and when
they feel they are being left out
their behaviour becomes approval
seeking. They sacrifice their personal
needs to please and get along with
others. When they feel that they are
uncertain how others see them they
will become quiet and say nothing, they
might become the “yes” person who
agrees with everyone in order to please
them, or they become the “maybe” person
because they want to avoid disapproval
by avoiding decisions. The “avoidance
strategy” ensures that they don’t hurt
the feelings of the others and thereby
avoid conflict.
Analysers in the A-zone
Analysers want to get it right. They are
task focused and this purpose influences
their behaviour. They avoid making
hurried decisions, they are risk-averse
and are detailed oriented. When Analysers
fear that it will be done wrong their
behaviour becomes perfectionist. They’ll
find every flaw and error. They begin to
whine that nothing is right and adopt a
feeling of hopeless that nothing will
change. Any solution is met with “it won’t
work, we’ve tried that”. In the end
Analysers will withdraw from everything
saying “fine, let’s do it your way but it’s
not going to work”.
When personal fears are
triggered, difficulties arise
When people believe their personal objectives
and behavioural style is not being
met, it creates a fear and unease which
leads them to become “difficult”. Managers
and colleagues need to be alert to
changes in normal behaviour.
1. Drivers behaviour becomes controlling
when they fear it’s not getting done.
2. Promoters behaviour becomes attention
getting when they fear they are
being ignored.
3. Supporters behaviour becomes approval
seeking when they fear they’re not
getting along.
4. Analysers behaviour becomes perfectionist
when they fear things are not
being done right.
Dealing with difficulties
As you can see each type of person needs
to be communicated, managed and listened
to differently. There’s no point
telling a “Driver” person that “they’re
doing a good job, calm down” when their
major fear and concern is that things are
not getting done fast enough. It’s not
recognition they’re after it’s a solution.
Who’s going to do it, by when and how.
The key to dealing with all types of
people is to listen. People become more difficult
if no one’s listening to what they say.
When people express themselves verbally
they want to accomplish at least two things.
One, that they are being heard and two, that
they’ve been understood. When two or
more people want to be heard and no one is
willing to listen, an argument is inevitable.
By listening and repeating back what they
have said you diffuse the situation because
conflict occurs when the emphasis is on differences.
Reducing differences can turn
conflict into cooperation.
About the author
Nathan Chanesman specialises in recruitment
for dental supply companies. He
can be contacted on 0418-100-012 or
nathan@employnow.com.au. Nathan is a
published author on relationship marketing
and coaches sales people on how
to improve their selling success by developing
their people skills. He is CEO of
Myprofile.com.au, a provider of online
assessment tools for recruitment, sales
training, coaching and parenting.

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