A Sure-fire Way To Get Scratched Off Of My Friends List

Read More: Social Networking

Or …What NOT To Do When You Receive A Friend Request At Your Social Network

Ouch! Someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat again. Not literally, of course, but it hurts just as much and it had me run for the Aspirin.

Over the weekend, I invited several people to be my friend at one of the top social networks. Unfortunately, one person mistook it as an invitation to spam me with his business opportunity.  Now, I will give this gentleman the benefit of doubt and assume he didn’t know any better. But this is a sure-fire way to get scratched off of my friends list. Like most social network members, I am there to build relationships.

Don’t take your clothes off on the very first date …

Spamming people who sent you a friends request with your business opportunity, is like taking your clothes off on the very first date. It accomplishes absolutely nothing. Rather it sends people running. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Let  me ask you this …

If your husband (or wife) would have asked you to marry them on your very first date, would you have said “YES?” I certainly wouldn’t have. My (future) husband would have scared me off and I would have run for the hills. And what a shame that would have been, because I would have never found out what a great guy he is.

So please, don’t make that mistake. Don’t rob people of the opportunity to get to know you, by spamming them with your business opportunity on your first ‘Social Media Date’. Don’t make them scratch you off of their friends list.


  • Get to know them.
  • Share some valuable information with them.
  • Offer your help.
  • Start a discussion by asking questions about their family, their hobbies, etc.
  • Comment on their pictures or on their bio or status.
  • Get involved and find out if you have common interests

People will buy from and/or join people they know, like and trust. So give them a chance to get to know you as a person first. Eventually they will ask you the $64,000 question … “What do you do?”

What kind of behavior do you dislike? In other words, what makes you drop people off of your friends list? What tips can you share on how to social network in online communities? Please share them with us in the comment box below.

And by the way, if you like this post, please don’t forget to retweet it and share it with your Facebook friends.


Ilka Flood



Login or register to post comments  |  Views Views: 4,875  |  Comments Comments: 40  

About the Author: Ilka Flood

Member Since: 10/08/2007

I'm a Distributor For:: Isagenix Corporation

Other Company: The Enlightened Networker

Industry: MLM

Primary Web Site: http://www.EnlightenedNetworker.com


Cop that

An excellent way to put it spot on take your clothes off and run for the hills ? Interesting

Roger Simpson — Thu, 04/15/2010 - 11:09pm

Great post!

I encounter this every day, despite posting in my blog that it's a terrible idea. I'm surprised at how many people continue to hit me with their marketing pitch on the very first FB message. Some even post it on my wall! Not smart.

Dr. Dick

Dr. Dick Pritchard — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 10:35am

Two Thumd Up! (and then some) :)

I love it...and I agree with you completely. It's like walking into someone's house without even saying hello.

Great post! Have a great day.

Anne Theriault

Anne Theriault — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 11:24am

Some advice

I love this topic because it's exactly what I try to teach to others. I am very active on a particular online social network and actually do our Tuesday night overview calls. When I talk to people about putting together their profile, I tell them that their business is secondary. They should write about who they are, what they like to do, what makes them "unique" and stand out from the crowd. If you want to bring people into your business, you have to be genuine and open. And I tell them to never ever lead with their opportunity. Get to know others first until the time is right to divulge what you do in an even exchange.

Randi Moore

Randi Moore — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 11:54am

A New Crowd, Maybe?

This subject has been coming again up a lot lately, it seems.
It's Spring...maybe a new "crop" of newbies, I don't know. :-D

We've been discussing it in our forum, I posted about it, etc., etc...
some have compared to walking into a stranger's house and helping
yourself to the contents of their fridge.

LOVE how you've compared it to taking clothes off on the first date!
Makes the point VERY memorable!!

Great post.

Cathie Heath — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 12:12pm

Perfect point...

...made more memorable by good writing skills! I'm with Cathie: The first date analogy makes the message connect on an emotional level. Thank you, Ilka!

Lyn Mullins — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 12:36pm

Hi Anne, I love your analogy

Hi Anne,

I love your analogy of walking into someone's house without saying hello. Right on!!

Ilka Flood — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 12:37pm

Thanks for your feedback on this issue!

Cathie, Randi, ...Thanks great point! New crowd? Well could be. There are newcomers to the network marketing industry every day. Some are told wrong how to go about things from the get go. I then blame their sponsors.

But let's face it too ... Some of it is just plain common sense.

Lyn ...thanks for the compliment about my writing skills. I am learning from the BEST!

Dr. Dick ... hang in there. Eventually they may get it :)

Ilka Flood — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 12:46pm

Very timely

There appears to be an opportunity that is recommending an email strategy at the moment, as I have received the same email three times this week from three new friends.

Rebecca Doll — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 1:43pm

Right On The Money

Great advice! It truly is an annoyance and a spoiler when someone's first contact with you is... Hey fried check this out... It's especially annoying when you get the same e-mail from a different mailers.

And the shocker is that there is so much information even free information on how to market on social media right...it makes me wonder.

Justyna Lam — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 1:57pm

Words of Wisdom that should be Common Sense!

You hit the nail on the head with this one! I cannot think of a less attractive way to meet a potential business associate or a more powerful way to get not much back for your efforts. Unfortunately when I started network marketing I was taught the 3 foot rule, which is to "pitch" your sales presentation to anyone who came within 3 feet of me. This made me an honorary member of the NFL club, "No Friends Left". Now, with the 3 foot rule being the distance between someone and the prospects on their social media site, this is being tried again, with just as disastrous results. Thanks for keeping an intelligent view on good business practices.

Jay Couture — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 2:16pm

Exactly, Ilka. I have

Exactly, Ilka. I have recently gotten the same dm's on twitter from the same person pitching something. I tried to educate him not once but twice that what he was doing was spamming. No response and another identical dm. I gave up and stopped following him.

Tracey Hausel — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 4:14pm

Off The List

This behavior is never going to change until we educate our followers or friends on social media. I've had to do the same as Tracey and attempt to educate people on proper etiquette.

Some people don't know any better and I must say I have received favorable responses by helping them understand social media. Some have even joined me in business as a result of taking the time to help them.

Its a matter of using the right words and not sounding like your preaching. Telling them that this type of activity causes people to form a poor opinion of you usually hits home and they change their ways. if not.--See ya!

Lately when I get friend requests I send them a message saying that I have not added you as a friend yet. I am looking for friends who are eager to be involved with the community that I am building.

If you want to contribute and learn from me and my other friends by all means lets be friends. I'll warn you though if you come into my house and pitch you'll be thrown out on your ear.


If we all band together and educate rather than unfriend; our lists will be of higher quality. Some of these people are good on the inside they just don't know any better.

James Rouse — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 4:54pm

Spot On Ilka

You hit the nail right on the head. I have tried to educate people when they do this to me. I had one guy come back to me and he said "You attraction marketer's think you are so special! Well you guys make me sick" LOL. See ya!

Thanks for the great post!

John Rothstein

John Rothstein — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:31pm

Wow! Some great responses. Thanks!

Rebecca, ...hang in there. Maybe they're new to the industry... Or, maybe they don't check their email and the response is actually coming from an automated message.

Justyna, ... you're right, it's very annoying. Some people don't take the time to educate themselves. Or, they just don't care.

John, ... I loved your words of wisdom. I think we were once in the same club, LOL. (The NFL.) Good thing we wised up, eh?

Tracey, ... It's especially bad on Twitter. I feel your pain. I do the same thing ... hit the "unfollow" button.

James ... Good for you! Teach them the right way and if they don't want to listen ...out they go!

John, ... We think we're special because we ARE! We care about people and we try to do the right thing. Even if it means to get ridiculed. Don't give up!

Y'all have a great weekend!

Ilka Flood — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 8:08pm

This is a trend especially

This is a trend especially on facebook there days, As soon as you confirm a request or they confirm you it,s bam!! link on wall or message in your inbox "check this out tell me what you think.....

Jon Doe — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 9:18pm

This is a trend especially

This is a trend especially on facebook there days, As soon as you confirm a request or they confirm you it,s bam!! link on wall or message in your inbox "check this out tell me what you think.....

Jon Doe — Fri, 04/16/2010 - 9:18pm

I am new on social media

I am new on social media (facebook, twiter) but then, being new I knew what not to do by learning with the best marketer out there. On the other hand, I get these "spamming" a lot do you then delete or scratch this person off your list?

Mary Foster — Sat, 04/17/2010 - 5:53am

Very good question, Mary

Very good question, Mary. I would find out if the person 'spamming' you is new like you and doesn't know any better. I then would kindly inform them that spamming you this way is not good business practice.

However, if it is someone that does this kind of thing all the time. Then ( I would) definitely tell them ... adios!

The reason being, that a person who repeatedly violates your space has no intention of getting to know you as a person. All they are interested in is peddling their business to anyone with a pulse.

Trust me, you don't need friends like that :)

By the way, my hat is off to you for being brand new and already knowing how it is done right. This industry needs more people like you, Mary.

Way to go!!

Ilka Flood — Sat, 04/17/2010 - 1:12pm

Very true...

It's so important Ilka to make sure when building a friend list to treat everyone like a friend.

Some people don't grasp what that really means in the world of social media.

When I get personal messages where people are asking me to join their business opportunity, I immediately scratch them off my friends list.

Great article.

Jerome Ratliff

Jerome Ratliff — Sat, 04/17/2010 - 8:19pm

Thank Goodness For Unfollow/Remove Friend

Great topic, it's one I've been discussing with my downline. My example is, it's just like offline marketing. You don't stand there shouting at people "Buy my pepper, get it while it's on sale this month!"

People don't care about your great thing, they want to know what's in it for them. So you have to have a conversation, get to know what they want and then maybe... Maybe you've got something they want/need or that will help them and if not, that's okay too. Your new friendship still has value and can benefit you both in other ways.

Thank goodness for the unfollow or remove from friends option, I use it it liberally.
Take care,

Melody Thacker — Sat, 04/17/2010 - 10:05pm

wrong anolagy ;)

There is nothing wrong in showing yourself naked on a first date, as long as you do it ethically! Getting a boner and putting in your face or spreading legs akimbo much like spamming on first contact is certainly not ethical or desired, that is the difference! like I said showing yourself naked for who you really are, and that means without a hidden agenda is ethical.
Primeraly that is the one thing that is wrong with this and many other business sites, people seem to think that every forum post or private message is an opportunity to push their business opp or wares in your face, without really giving any value, its always with a sale as a final objective, turning such resources into more like market places or bazaars rather than communities.
I'm sick and tired of reading about secret formulas, codes, mlm secrets, list building, marketing strategies, etc, very little of real value is freely given, it' always with a $97 or $ 197 price tag attached! or what ever!

Well I'm not surprised, why help the competition out? why not make money out of them! Sorry but teaching or selling to the converted is not what I am about, there! that's me naked! :)

Anyone else that feels like me is welcome to connect with me, but don't expect me to act like a Guru with all the prefect solutions which will benefit you, you must find your way, all I have is what works for me and I'm happy with that.

Luis Cortes — Sun, 04/18/2010 - 2:22am

Right On!

When a new friend sends a spam message, that indicates they're greedy and selfish .. also desperate for $$. Who wants to be associated with them?

Thanks for your article!

Dolores Luz — Sun, 04/18/2010 - 8:00am

More great comments, thanks!

Jerome, ... First strike and they're out, huh? ;) Thanks for your input! Greatly appreciated!!

Melody, ... You're right! Thank Goodness for the Unfollow/Remove button. I believe it's much worse on Twitter than it is on Facebook or anywhere else. I believe part of it has to do with the automated messages there.

Luis, ... I agree with showing yourself for who you really are.

Without getting to complicated ... I believe if someone spams me with their business opportunity at our very first social media date, that's showing who that person really is or what his or her agenda is. (Unless they are brand new and don't know the rules yet.) They are not even trying to hide it.

Now showing yourself for who you really are is seldom done on the first date. (Both in real life as well as social media.Unless, again you are a spammer and really don't care.) Usually we are on our very best behavior on our very first date. We have to give people a chance to get to know us...over time.

That's what I meant by saying ..."Don't take your clothes off at the first date." People don't normally do that. (Gosh, at least I hope so.)

Dolores, ... I agree with you 100%. When someone does this that for sure indicates greed and selfishness. And or that they're desperate. Not a good base for a friendship.

Ilka Flood — Sun, 04/18/2010 - 1:29pm

Re: Sure Fire Way to Get Scratced Off.....

As a newbie to social media, its important to get proper instruction up front. Coming from cold-calling methods, it is crucial to establish a rapport with your prospect. I think the internet allows us such a vast entry to connect with people that we ordinarily could not do by telephone or mail offers. We should not abuse this access, but rather cultivate good relationships. I like the analogy of 'taking off your clothes'. Which to me strongly touches on ethics and courtesy.
Asking them for their purpose of friending you is a good way to screen the potential spammers, and devote your time to people who want to interact constructively, without a planned agenda.
Eventually, we all want to make a good income, but negative practices like spamming will only prolong or possibly deter all the good you had in mind.


Alexandria Bryant — Sun, 04/18/2010 - 6:36pm

Thanks Ilka!

I will keep this in mind.

Mary Foster — Sun, 04/18/2010 - 7:44pm

Absolutely Ilka, I've gotten

Absolutely Ilka, I've gotten so many of those that I had to issue the first strike and you're out deal.

Jerome Ratliff

Jerome Ratliff — Sun, 04/18/2010 - 9:51pm

Spot On!

Hitting you in the face with a link right off the bat is Mistake Number ONE. So annoying. I remove people who do this without delay. It is not called SOCIAL media for nothing.

Great Post!

Ian Brown — Mon, 04/19/2010 - 2:46am

I agree

My husband said the other night that I have friends, but not a lot of acquaintances, I agree. I stay in touch with people I develop relationships with, if we don't have anything in common we tend to drift apart, no blame on either side, but I think that good social media reflects this as well.

I do not use an auto responder for twitter because I like to see who is following me. If I decide to return the follow, I always send a personal message, but only about something I have seen on their bio or even just based on their location. I am looking to connect with live people, and sometimes I have gotten the automatic message and also a response from the person, this person took the time to read what I wrote and actually respond that makes me want to be their friend.

Lori Winslow — Mon, 04/19/2010 - 11:10am

Thanks, y'all!

Alexandria, ... loved your comment! I agree it is very crucial to build rapport with the person....and then cultivate the relationship. Very well put!

Lori, ... you're right! If we have nothing in common we tend to drift apart. And like you said, it's nobody's fault. But somehow we have to find out IF we have anything in common and that's where building that relationship comes in to play.

Ian, ... absolutely. It's not called SOCIAL media for nothing :)

Ilka Flood — Mon, 04/19/2010 - 5:41pm

We respect your privacy and do not tolerate spam. Tens of thousands of home business owners have already benefited from this revolutionary information, and now you can safely do so as well.

Are you a robot? Just checking.