Ellie Drake on Listening

 MarketingMerge/Renegade University has done it again!   Another excellent webinar this evening, 11-05-09, featuring Ellie Drake on listening skills.

I was not familiar with Ellie Drake, but learned that she has built a number of multi-million dollar businesses, both the traditional way and online. She emigrated from Iran almost 20 years ago, and has taken every advantage of the many opportunities this country has to offer.  She is a highly regarded speaker on business and personal development, and tonight she gave eight great tips on listening.

1. Learn to Listen to Yourself, First!  Developing the skill of listening to your own intuition must come before learning to listen to others. How can you truly listen to another, if you can't hear yourself? In interviews with multi-millioniares, this is a common theme: they all befriend themselves, and heed their own counsel.
2. Listen with Empathy. Your ears are actually technical gadgets.  True listening is done with your heart.  Learn to feel what other people are saying.  Listen on a visceral, or gut level.
3. Ask the Right Questions.  Be mindful of not taking people in a negative or otherwise unproductive line of thinking.  Always lead in a positive direction, or a problem-solving direction.  For example, if someone just told you that they've been in 5 different MLM companies and have failed each time, the wrong question to ask would be:  "O really!  what companies were they?"    Instead, ask a question that leads that person in a more positive, problem-solving direction:  "What would you say is the common denominator in those failures?"
4. Don't Be Afraid To Be Slow To Answer.  Slow down, take your time with people.  It's OK if a few seconds or more elapse before you make your response or answer a question.  This gives you time to derive your answer from within, where your authentic Self lives, rather than responding off the top of your head (where your ego lives), in a knee-jerk fashion.
5. Be Aware of Your Body Language.  Yes, you read that right.  Body language is important, even on a phone call.  Body language both reflects and influences your state of mind or mood.  Relax!  your shoulders, your face, your jaw muscles. Smile.  
6. Don't Interrupt!  or, if you do, interrupt at the right place.  For example, if you can feel the tone or energy of the conversation going negative or to an unproductive place, stop and redirect. A good tip Ellie gave was to ask this simple question:  "What I'm hearing  you say is. . .  is that correct?"  This will refocus the person on the issue at hand, and allow you to redirect in a more productive, problem-solving direction.
7. Respond From Your Sense of Purpose.  I love this one. If your response comes from your agenda, from what you want, you'll never win the person over, you'll never make a friend and gain their trust. Instead, respond from the place of why you do what you do.  Remember to check yourself frequently on this.  Are you here to serve others, or yourself?  Am I responding from my authentic Self, or my ego?  Can you start to see now why #1, learning to listen to yourself, is so critical to success?
8. Be YourSelf, Know Who You Are. . .   needs no further explanation, does it?

Successful relationships, whether in business or in your personal life, depend on and get nourished through good listening.  Practice, practice practice!

"Every great entrepreneur is a great coach.  Every great coach is a great listener."  Ellie Drake.