To pinch a line from L'Oreal - You're Worth It!

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love & affection."

Buddha

What a fantastic statement that is isn't it? And yet why do so many of us go through our daily lives denying ourselves this love and affection? Why do we so often feel “guilty” ;“unworthy” ; 'selfish' or 'undeserving”?

With many of my coaching clients I have noticed that often the most difficult task for them is deciding what their hopes, dreams and goals are. Almost without exception the underlying reason for this is that they feel that in some way they do not deserve to have dreams, to achieve their goals or even – simply and sadly – to be happy, fulfilled and content with their lives.

Some examples:

•  The smart, professional woman who felt 'guilty' about relaxing at the weekend until she had cleaned house, done the laundry or taken care of her family's needs;
•  the highly intelligent and senior business executive who didn't speak up at meetings as he thought – in fact he 'knew' - no-one would be interested in what he had to say;
•  the woman who, when her husband complimented her on what she was wearing would say “What? This old thing? You can't be serious It's as old as the hills and I'm only wearing it because I'm too fat to fit into anything else”

 Wow! Talk about self destructive mode!

So where do our feelings of self-worth come from? How do they impact on our lives and what can we do about improving them?

It's generally accepted that between the years of 0 – 7 we take our lead from our parents or the people who care for us. Between 7 and 18 our horizons expand as we come under the influence of school friends, teachers and other adults outside our family. From around age 18 onwards those influences change again as we start at college, university or get a job. Add to this the barrage of outside influences contained in books, magazines, television, films, radio etc and you begin to see where our feelings about who we are and how we feel we compare to other people come from. All these influences have a cumulative effect and can lead to self-destructive thoughts such as “I'm not as good looking as him” ; “I'm much fatter than her” or “She looks so confident! I bet she's got it all together” Who among us has walked into a social or work event of some sort and not had similar thoughts? Legend has it that even that great Italian tenor, Pavarotti, used to throw up before every performance as he was wracked with stage fright and the feeling that his performance might not be “quite good enough”. Believe me – there is a quivering jelly of inadequacy inside all of us!

The bad news is that such feelings of inadequacy; low self-esteem and poor self-respect can impact quite seriously on our ability to socialise, on our relationships and on our work performance

The good news is that you can change!

Here are some very simple tips to put you on the road to feeling good about yourself.

• Change your physiology. Head up, smile and walk briskly. (Remember the song “I Whistle a Happy Tune” from 'The King and I” ? You don't actually have to whistle – but it works!)
•  Don't feel confident? Act as if you are!
• Look for the best in others and praise them. By identifying the best in others we often find the best in ourselves.
•  Accept new challenges and goals. You'll feel great when you achieve them! Start small and build up.
• Don't waste time looking at the past (you don't drive your car by looking exclusively in the rear view mirror do you?) Only look to the past to learn from your experiences.
• When you make mistakes don't beat yourself up – take the lessons and move on.
• Trust yourself – you know more than you think you do.
• Be good to yourself. Take time for yourself every day and remember – whatever you think you are you are more than that.

Angie

The Cinnamon Coach