Building Relationships: Hear the real needs of people by listening with your heart and reading between the lines.

Most people love to visit with someone who truly listens to them.
Do you know any great listeners?  The ones who you know are really listening to you?
How about you, do you pride yourself on being a good listener?

I'll have to admit, It doesn't always come easy.  I know I am improving my listening skills, but what about those ones who go on and on about something you care nothing about.  (yawn)  Hey, I am just being real.  I'm sure you have experienced that.  I hope you aren't one of them.  lol

And there are times when you can't get a word in edgewise.  My two daughters married brothers who come from a talkative loud family.  When we get together, it feels like utter chaos!  It's noisy!  And nobody is listening to anybody!  What a riot!  Especially since I come from a quieter family atmosphere.

What does make a good listener?  Not interrupting someone while they speak?  Not finishing their sentences?  It's more that that.  It's being  content to listen to the entire thought of someone rather than waiting impatiently for your chance to speak.

Communication is not a race, even though it often seems that way.  Sometimes it seems like we are uncomfortable with time gaps between when the other person finishes their sentence and we begin ours.

Slowing down your responses and becoming a better listener can actually help you become a more peaceful person.  The pressure is off.  You relax. 
Think about it.  It takes an enormous amount of energy and it's a bit stressful to be trying to figure out what the person is going to say so you can come back with a response.  On the other hand if you simply listen more intently to what is being said, instead of anticipating your answer, you'll find you feel more at ease and the person you are talking to will sense this and will also relax.  Feeling safe, they will also slow down their responses because they won't feel in competition with you for air time.

Being a good listener will not only make you a more patient person, it will enhance the quality of your relationships.  Everyone loves to talk to someone who they feel truly listens to what they are saying. Instead of just grabbing on to the facts, start listening not only for words, but also for feelings, meanings, and undercurrents.  People want understanding, respect, honesty, caring, compassion and kindness.  Maybe we might not be able to offer all those qualities to the person we are getting to know, but if we slow down and listen between the lines for their stronger emotions, we are more apt to hear their real needs by listening with our heart.

The Colors Personality training is an excellent way to help you truly know how to communicate with someone.  This helps you speak to their core values and what makes them tick.

And that's what we want in this business, is quality relationships and what better way than to be a good listener.  Like anything it takes time to develop the qualities of a great listener.  Begin by meeting people on their turf, finding common ground with them.  Asking 4-5 questions about them as a person, getting to know who they are will help you build that connection with them.  Then practice listening.

I read a story about President Theodore Roosevelt being a good listener and how he appreciated that quality in other people.  Once at a gala ball, he grew tired of meeting people who returned his remarks with stiff, mindless pleasantries.  So he began to greet people with a smile, saying, "I murdered my grandmother this morning."  Most people, so nervous about meeting him, didn't even hear what he said.  But one diplomat did.  Upon hearing the president's remark, he leaned over and whispered to him, "I'm sure she had it coming to her!" 

Aren't we like that at times?  Have you ever just glossed over a comment by someone for some reason or another?  I am guilty of that.  I'll admit it.  We can miss so much by not paying attention to what's really being said.

Don't miss out.  Develop your listening skills. 

Lynn Jones

http://www.teamplayersnetwork.com