The MOST Important, Least Understood Sales and Marketing Skill
Read More: There is a skill..actually a set of skills..that often gets neglected in all the trainings, systems, webinars, seminars, etc...Can you guess what it is? This skill is what makes decent sales people become great ones. It is the key to giving value and the most essential aspect of developing relationships. It has nothing to do with product knowlege or blogs, forums or PPC. You are either really curious now..or you've guessed it.
The skill is LISTENING. Real listening is very different than just hearing what a person is saying. Real listening is active, it is engaged..but it is not necessarily engaged in the expected manner of most conversations in our society. Start paying attention when you are speaking with someone. See how often you are just LISTENING compared to how often you are already thinking about what you are going to say next, while the other person is still talking. True listening can be called "active listening" or "reflective listening".
Certain people are trained to listen in the manner. Psychotherapists are a great example, as are some doctors, social workers and others in the helping professions. Really great business coaches and sales people also know and use this skill of active listening. Here is how it works:
You focus all your attention on what the other person is saying. Instead of approaching a conversation ready to impart your own agenda, you enter into it ready to go along with your client's or prospect's agenda. As they speak you reflect back to them what you heard them say. You reframe or restate the content of what they said..thus letting them know that they are being heard and allowing them to correct any misinterpretations on your part. As you do this it will become obvious to you, their needs, their problems, their interests, etc....
It is by approaching conversations like this that you glean the most important kinds of information from the person you are speaking with. People love to be truly heard. Often the best relationship building technique is listening. You'll be amazed how much people will be attracted to you if you listen to them with an open mind and an open heart. It takes some practice to do this well. In marriage therapy couples often spend a few weeks just practicing this as a skill set, before using it to have an in depth conversation about their real issues. (Sometimes listening to each other is the real issue and they can move on once they learn this skill).
Before going out and trying this with your prospects, practice with your friends and family. Pick a really easy topic. Ask the other person to speak for two minutes about her favorite food and why she likes it. When the two minutes are up it's your turn. Start with: "So, what I heard you say is.____" And then, "It seems that you like__________ because________________. " After a few rounds of this you'll get the hang of it. When conversing in the business world, you can do this same thing. You can also summarize the last few paragraphs and add.."Am I hearing you correctly?"
This is the most powerful relationship building skill that there is. It requires no special tools or aptitudes. Just the desire to truly connect with another and hear what they have to say.
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About the Author: Deborah Tutnauer
Company: Its All Success (Creating Abundance From Home)
I'm a Distributor For:: Other / Not Listed
Industry: MLM
Primary Web Site: http://DeborahTutnauer.com
Completely agree it's why we
Completely agree it's why we have two ears and one mouth.
No Kidding!! This makes
No Kidding!! This makes good sense - it is the essence of being a true friend and supporter too.
My thinking is WHEN will I be able to talk about my interest and directions. As I type this - I know - it is when the other person asks....
Then we are more likely to have a ready audience also interested in what we have to say.
Good topic.
Deborah, This Is So Ironic! You'll laugh...
I just barely finished writing an article this evening and then I noticed your article at the top of the list... so curious I clicked over to it and began reading.
We must be on the exact same brainwave or you're my spirit sister or something!
The subject was almost identical... I swear to you on a stack of Bibles that I did not have the foggiest idea what the main element of your article even was.
Here was mine: Secret #1 For Close Relationships! The Art of Listening!
Great article by the way. You must be an amazing person to think of such great topics to share with us! :)
Object Lesson: I had the very experience Rachel explained above this very day. A gentleman I was chatting with in a different forum asked about what I do, ONLY after I had asked A LOT about him and gave him the chance to explain himself and tell his story.
I explained in brief what I did and suggested I'd love to have him in my mastermind group if he too is success minded and willing to help others in the group achieve success too.
It was truly effortless and quite natural. I loved it!
I didn't feel like I was pushing anything...
Abundance & Prosperity in all you do,
Randy Enman
Fantastically Choosen
many a time we all talk of of all kinds of systems and mechanism but little do we pay attention to the art of listening.. sometimes we even overrun people when the speak without taking in their information at consideration.
It is wonderful you shared dis with us Deborah and i appreciate It. I hope we all continue to learn as we are doing right now. Keep it up dear
Forever Friends
Louis Redemption
Right on!
Deborah,
As a former high-level recruiter for 35 years, I have learned the vital necessity of listening.
Greayt article!
Regards,
Chris Polson
Some Great Comments
Thank you all for your comments..and yes..the tricky part about active listening, or reflective listening is wondering what you are going to get a chance to share. And yes, usually it is when the other person asks. Sometimes however, they don't ask..then what? What I usually do is summarize the conversation and create an open door for the next one, saying something like, "Wow, it really seems like we have a lot in common, I'd love to chat with you again soon". The person feels so appreciated and heard that it becomes a very natural progression to schedule your next call, or meet for tea if local. Again you may end up being the listener..but you will be amazed how much someone will like and appreciate you and often want to work with you, when they feel liked and appreciated by you.
I really enjoyed reading....
Deborah I enjoyed reading this. I learned a few things - and it's funny that your teaching us "The MOST Important, Least Understood Sales and Marketing Skill"......and everyone already has the tools. TWO OF THEM TO BE EXACT!
Two Ears
Michael,
Thank you for reminding us that we have all the necessary tools for great listening. The tricky part is controlling what's between them.
Deborah
Great Article
Great article on importance of listening versus hearing. My dad used to say that a conversation is 90 percent listening and 10 percent talking.
Chris
This is the REAL "secret"
In my many years as a service technician, and before that, working in my parents' rural grocery store, I acquired this skill without really knowing it. Needless to say that skill has served me well - even to the point of being specifically requested by clients to work on their equipment. I attribute that not so much to any superior technical skills, but more on my willingness to actually "fix my client's attitude" before even trying to repair their equipment. That can only be accomplished by listening to my clients and empathizing (not sympathizing) with their situation.
You can't help anyone if you don't know what their problem is, and most business owners need to understand that they're actually "solution providers" as Mike illustrates so clearly in Magnetic Sponsoring.
Now that the internet has become a truly interactive medium, the people who achieve the most success by using media - such as blogs, forums, social networks, and video sharing sites - are the ones who take the time to personally respond to the comments they receive on those media. It builds a relationship with people that's based on THEIR perception that you have a genuine interest in their well-being, as a flesh-and-blood person - and that you're not just another "mercenary" who's simply trying to find a way to pry their credit card out of their wallet or purse.
Excellent advice that should be well-heeded by anyone who's experiencing a "plateau" in their building efforts!
Straight On!
We must seek first to understand, of course, then we'll be understood, as Stephen Covey says. Great post by the way.
Peace!
John Corona (JC)
It is fun to leave the room.....
And have people saying "what a briliant Conversationalist" when you SAID Very Little,
but assimilated a LOT.
Works all the TIME
Chuck Bartok
www.focussociety.com
www.beginnersmarketingclass.com
530-798-0245
Listening
Great observation to point out. We get so connected to our computers that we forget how to deal with real people and bottom line our business is people...
Thanks
I couldn't agree more...that
I couldn't agree more...that is why I carry DUCKTAPE! :)
Thank you for reminding us all to practice the art of listening.
Very good!
Thomas Chandler
Most important - Least understood marketing technique
Deborah,
Great article! This information is definitely needed and if I may suggest, . . . you might want to post it again in about 6 months (I'm being generous). We seem to forget very quickly that what you highlighted in this article is the very foundation of communication. I don't want to be overly analytical, but most of us are not actively involved. This fact, actually makes us non-participants, just looking for an openning. We have to get away from our own agenda (in a sense) and focus on the other person when we are actively involved. When we do this, we learn much more beyond what we are immediately hearing. This gives each one of us a strong platform in which to work from delivering feedback that is enlightening and engaging.
Thank you and Keep up the good work!
Carlton
Thanks for the post
Hey, awesome post on listening. I had written up something similar a couple months ago about How to Become an Effective Listener
Something that I found fairly interesting is that with dating style things, the more you LISTEN to the other person and repeat what they are saying to make sure you understand them correctly, the more they seem to be attracted to you.
This is kind of like what we are all doing with our Attraction Marketing techniques in our businesses, but it just goes to show us that human emotions are the same whether its in business or not. We can't let our own ideas or thoughts get in the way of others who are speaking, this is dis-respectful and a lot of the time leads to un-necessary arguments.
By allowing the other person to speak and being an active listener, you develop a better relationship/friendship with the person and in turn are a better friend as well as the fact that you get to know the person a lot better than if you spend the whole conversation speaking about your ideas.
Thanks for the great post!
Chris Hughes
http://earthfriendlybiz.com/chughes
You Hit The Bulls Eye On This One GREAT ARTICLE
Awesome Deborah
You hit the bulls eye on this one Deborah. It is a proven fact the woman are better listeners then most men are. And us as men could really learn something here if we as men would start to learn this skill from no other than our mates in life.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard woman say he just would not let me talk or get anything in edge wise, he was controling, not caring, see men, if we will just take the time to practice on our wives and girlfriends this new skill, two things will happen once we learn this skill.
1. Our relationships with our love ones will skyrocket to a level of passion that you never knew that was there before.
2. We will end up recruiting more new people into our businesses than ever before just because of this one skill.
This Deborah was the best article that I have read yet in this forum and I give it FIVE STARS *****GREAT JOB
Frank Gorka http://www.freemlmlearningvideos.com
In Silence we hear
What a great article about listening. This has come to my mind so often recently while becoming involved with online networking. So many people are caught up in their own agenda and how to make money. The hunters forget that they are a guest in the interaction of communicating with interested parties. It is not about whether you get the opportunity to market your product, or yourself, listen to the other person's needs and offer them a solution, from there you will establish a relationship.
I Appreciate You
Deborah,
This is not only a business skill. It is a LIFE skill. The happiest people are the people that talk the least and listen the most. If we all stopped pushing our own individual agendas and really LISTENED to what was going on we could all find effective solutions to the problems that have been caused by ineffective listening. I've been reading this book called Power vs. Force and the gist of the whole book is really to just listen and keep walking your path. I appreciate this post. It was a much needed pick me up or sit me down to quite a few people. Thank you.
Great Comments Everyone
The subject of Listening is truly the crux point of all that we do, as evidenced by the wealth of comments to this article. Thank you all for taking the time to read and to add your own thoughts and ideas. I have read/listened to all that you have said and appreciate you too.
Deborah
Communication and Leadership
Not only should we be listening, but we should also be thinking critically as well.
As a 5-year member of Toastmasters International, I have learned that there is no better place to learn Communication and Leadership than within the Toastmasters community.
Most clubs meet on a weekly basis. You are taught how to prepare and deliver speeches and presentations effectively. You learn listening skills and critical thinking. You learn time management. You learn how to delegate You learn how to be a leader.
Because you do this on a weekly basis, after a couple of years all these skills become second nature.
Some of the Big Speakers give seminars which can run to a couple of thousand dollars for a weekend. At the end they will tell you to join Toastmasters anyway.
In Toastmasters we learn by doing. We have a lot of fun. All members are supportive. It is a collaborative exercise.
Toastmasters helps you realize your leadership potential. The Networking is awesome and it is through one of my Toastmaster associates that I found this web-site.
Armed with the skills learned at Toastmasters you can be unstoppable.
Start NOW: go to http://www.toastmasters.org/ and look for a club near you.
Some of the greatest motivational speakers started with Toastmasters.
Have fun with this.
Bob (Wetcoast Images)
Thanks! Deborah
great article. have printed it out and will practice! keep up the good work,
Ellen
Hey Deborah, were you in my
Hey Deborah, were you in my counseling class in grad school? Great article and it is sooo true. The hard part is the silence. You've got to let the other person think and not just talk through the silence. Another important part of listening besides the reflecting are using "I statements". I heard you say ________. You said________ tends to put people in a defensive frame of mind.
It's also about listening when you are reading
Hi Deborah,
Thanks for a great post.
I'd like to add that it's also about listening when you are reading too - reading somebody else's email, letter or posting on a blog or forum - so many seem too often to be blind when they read - blinded by their own agenda and desperation perhaps...
Thanks again.
Cheers
Martin
So True
Hi Deborah,
You are absolutely right. This is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing in relationships. Once you let people know that what they have to say matters the most, it carrys you a far way. I am going to give myself a check everytime, I am speaking with a prospect or family member. A big problem for me is listening, but I have been trying.
Rosanne Reid
Hello Deborah, I loved your
Hello Deborah,
I loved your article and the end that gives the practice tip. I will definately workon this. As I am going through a huge self growth spurt I have noticed how much my family does not listen. How much I have not been a listener. Thank you for the practice tip.
Jenn
Listening Skills
You have identified the most important skill that needs ongoing development. We all listen at different speeds.