The Necessity of Pain and Heartbreak for Prosperity

"A man has only one escape from his old self:
to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes"
                                       - Clare Boothe Luce    

Today, I want to share something deeply personal about a hard, yet beautiful lesson I learned as it relates to love and heartbreak.

But before I do, there's something you have to understand about how I present myself online in my marketing -- what you see and read here is the REAL me.

It's not a caricature that we created and neither Raymond or I write behind a pen name. My real name is Fernando Ceballos and my friends really do call me "Ferny".

Even Master Lee has taken to calling me "Ferny", instead of "Mr. Ceballos". It's kinda cool, I must admit. :)

That being said, ever since leaving my corporate job 2 months ago, I've been reflecting quite a bit as to how I arrived at the place I'm at today.

I'm financially free, no longer deal with the famous L.A. traffic, I wake up and go to bed at whatever time I please and, truth be told, I'm very happy.

I have the best business partner a person can have in Raymond, who shows me he cares by kicking my ass when I need it and helping me become very rich. (I try to do my part as well.) ;)

I've reflected quite a bit over the past week, and I was able to trace the source of this good fortune to one of the most painful and traumatic experiences of my life -- a break up with a beautiful woman.

The Most Intense 4 Months of My Life

You see back in 2003/2004, about a year after graduating from MIT, returning to L.A. and entering the corporate world, I was miserable and lost.

I was making decent money, yet I still perpetually got myself into credit card debt and partied to numb the boring and disappointing experience of working in the Defense Industry.

And then while visiting Texas for my best friend's wedding, I fell in love with an old college friend I got re-acquainted with during that weekend. The next 4 months was the most intense, passionate and torturous time of my life.

I was in L.A., she was in D.C. working within a very intense 2004 presidential campaign. Yet, I was committed to making it work and do whatever it took to being with her.

I was basically what one would call, "a love sick wuss", willing to do anything for her and obscessed with talking to her everyday.

Like the old saying goes, "what goes up, must come down". And as quickly as I fell head over heels in love, I came crashing down 100 times faster.

The pressures of the campaign, the distance, among other circumstances, caused her to abruptly end our realtionship. I was devastated.

I was 23 and had never before fallen that hard, that fast for someone.

Picking Up the Pieces

I spent the next 2 years picking myself off the ground, and trying to make sense of this very cruel life. I didn't understand why I was so dependent on someone else to be happy.

Being nieve, I guess I assumed at the time that happiness is contigent on finding a mate with whom you can share a life with.

I wasn't happy at my job, nor was I happy in L.A. at the time. I figured that since I was the happiest during this brief 4 month love affair, that must be where happiness lies.

About 2 years after the break up, a weird guy with a big head named Raymond invited me to his home to see "the plan". (I had met Ray a year earlier at USC grad school, taking a class on Computer Systems Architecture -- Yippie! )

On the night of "the plan", life was breathed back into this lost soul's body.

What I saw over the first month of being involved in network marketing, was hope that there may exist another way out of my unhappiness.

Initially, my interest in network marketing was the possibility of being able to leave my job and have the money to knock away the things I did not like about my life - one by one.

First my job.

Then I could leave L.A. and should the opportunity to find love again present itself, I wouldn't have to deal with a long distance relationship.

I could simply get up and move. Simple right?

Deep Inner Game

Over the next year, I showed the plan and sponsored 17 people into my business, I was making some money, discovered the benefits of personal development and I read TONS of books on dating & relationships. ;)

I was literally able to feel myself growing on the inside from all this. I grew more confident, learned quite a bit about people as a result of showing the plan and watching my downline (as if they were fish in a fish bowl) live the tough life of a network marketer.

I must say, even though it was frustrating watching my downline struggle, fail and eventually disappear, it was even more fascinating seeing it unravel -- hearing their complaints, doubts, excuses, dealing with their negative friends/family and eventually giving up on their dreams.

To those that stuck around, I became a mentor and thanks to my obscessive study of marketing, business and personal development - I found myself in a solid footing to be that mentor.

I started finding purpose to my life in helping others better their lives.

My hope for financial freedom, became a certainty with only time keeping me from achieving it.

And most importantly, I discovered why it was I had fallen so hard and experienced so much pain back in 2004.

As I grew within myself, I was becoming happier and as a result, the pain of the heartbreak I felt in 2004 started to disappear.

Ambition and resolve, replaced my insecurities and sadness. And even my relationships - romantic, family and business - became more enjoyable and stable.

I started applying my leadership and new life skills to all aspects of my life.

As Mike Dillard would put it, I was becoming the "alpha".

Why We Fall...

For the first time in my life, I was happy being alone. My dependency on others for a purpose driven life vanished.

It is entirely possible that none of my recent good fortune would have happened if I had not been forced to pick myself up from such a devastating heartbreak. I'm reminded of a quote from 'Batman Begins'...

"Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

And that's exactly it. The disappointments, heartbreaks and failures did not end once I found myself through my business... I simply learned how to recover quickly from them and continue moving forward.

So why is it that I am communicating this to you via a newsletter meant for network marketers. I'm sure you'd much rather learn about the latest in marketing, instead of my life's drama.

Well, the truth is...

Your business will never grow if you don't grow!

Your relationships won't get better, until you become better!

Your financial situation won't transform, until you do!

A few people over the course of building my business have accused me of being money hungry and greedy, because I wish to be wealthy. It's an interesting statement when you think about it, because it's usually the people who have the worst relationship with money that say that.

I recently attended a seminar where the instructor said, "Consider that the balance in your checking account is consistent with the character in your life."

And I don't mean this to be condescending, because some of the happiest people I've ever known were very poor, including my father. But they had a healthy relationship with money.

They weren't in debt. They still managed to save for a rainy day. They can still buy presents for their kids on their birthday - albeit very modest ones -- on top of being very happy.

I guess my point is, your relationship with your finances, your relationship with your girl friend, your relationship with your career, etc. is consistent with who you are and your maturity as a human being.

When you work on developing yourself -- your finances, relationships and career become clearly measurable representations of who you are on the inside.

The Purpose of Pain

I don't know what life holds for me in the future, but I do know one thing...

Pain and disappointments are not meant to destroy us, but are meant to guide us and let us know that something about who we are being at that moment needs to change.

And the level of pain, is representative of just how much you need to change and grow. If you are experiencing a lot of hurt in your life, business or relationships, look upon it as a blessing and learn to interpret that pain so you can begin to change what needs to change.

I wish I could tell you that the AMF course , could help you fix what's going on inside you. If it did, we'd probably become very rich, very quickly like many of the self help gurus out there.

What it can help you with is in helping you mature and grow in developing and marketing your business. You may even be able to get away with only doing that and achieve financial freedom...

But be careful and make sure that your personal growth catches up with your finances. Otherwise, the opposite will happen and your finances, relationships and life will shrink back down to your true state as a person.

It's no wonder that my business oscillated up and down for years, before becoming financially independent, alongside my friend and business partner Raymond.

Thinking back to 2003 and 2004, I've come a long way and it seems like an eternity since I cried myself to sleep for many of the nights during those years...

But I'm so grateful that it happened and wouldn't dream of changing anything about those events. I simply hope that besides the marketing help you receive from us, that this letter has helped you discover something important about yourself.

Genuinely Yours,

Ferny Ceballos

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Ferny is an SEO & Internet Marketing expert. He and his business partner Raymond were the 2 lead instructors for the MLM Traffic Formula LIVE event. To learn more about this, please visit http://attractionmarketingformula.com

Article originally posted on the MLM Blog under Personal Development .