Who Do You Think You Really Are?!
Read More: As we approach the new year, amidst all the festivities and excitement, I hope you reserve a little bit of yourself to do some reflection. I hope you get a chance to look deep within your very being, your core, your spirit and find out exactly who you really are.
An event happened a few weeks ago that forced me to re-examine myself.
And I don't mean in a, "oh, yeah, I am fine, I am Raymond Fong, who else would I be" type of way. I am talking about the sort of examination that forces you to stare at your ugliest inner demons, your greatest fears, your most hated alter ego, your most embarrassing weakness, and say to yourself...
"Yes, that is who I am."
You see, what I was doing (and odds are, you may be doing too) is living my life thinking I was something that frankly, I wasn't. At my core, if I were to cut through all my bulls**t that I've weaved to help me feel better about myself, I would find out that the way I've been projecting to myself, and to the world was in a sense fake - to a degree.
Now don't get me wrong, that's not to say that I've been living a lie - I haven't been. But I have held beliefs that just weren't true, beliefs that my ego forced on myself.
It was undoubtedly a very scary and frustrating moment - to realize that perhaps who I thought I was and what I thought I was capable of... wasn't true. That maybe, just maybe, I really wasn't as good as I thought. And that maybe, just maybe, the next person may in reality be better than me.
Every one of us has strengths, and everyone of us has weaknesses. Realizing your strength will help you conquer the world but before you can do so, you must first realize your weakness and conquer thyself.
Denial & Ego - Your Greatest Enemies
It's in moments when you are in denial of your weakness (and you are so entrenched in your denial that you don't even realize that you are in denial) that you find yourself having to prove to the world that you are something you are not. It's in those moments that you may not do as well as you'd like and yet... can't understand why.
And there exists a disconnect.
You focus on the failure, on the CAUSE for that failure, and you lose sight of the greater things - such as the lesson to be learned from that failure and how you can grow stronger as a result of those lessons.
You refuse to accept that failure was a result of your own weakness.
And you start looking for excuses... you start looking for scapegoats, for something/someone to blame but yourself. And you further weave that lie in your core and that weakness continues to prevail. You let your ego take over your being.
And now, you have something to prove to the world - in your silly reality weaved of lies and ego - you MUST show the world you HAVE no weakness. That the failure was just a fluke.
An attitude like that presents the biggest obstacle to ever eliminating that weakness - how can you correct something that you deny as to existing? It's like an alcoholic trying to "fix" his alcoholism when he doesn't even recognize it as a problem!
And the vicious downward cycles continues.
Channel Your Napoleon Complex
If you are finding yourself in this mindset, I am here to tell you that until you humble thyself and admit to having weaknesses, you will NEVER be happy with yourself. You will ALWAYS have something to prove to the world.
Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with ambition, drive, and motivation. Napoleon Complex does serve its purpose, but in the right place, time, and in the right quantity. You have to learn to channel this energy, this ambition. You have to learn to control this drive to become the better version of yourself.
Lest... it controls you and cause your own self-destruction.
I finally learned to distinguish reality from what I'd "like to be (but am not there yet)"; to distinguish my true self from that of my ego's.
With this new year, take the time to look within yourself, humbly. Do away with any ego and any pretenses. Tear away any predisposition and self-defense mechanisms pretending to protect you from yourself. Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weakness.
Find out who you REALLY are, and be okay with that! Then set forth to becoming the better version of yourself for the new year, and every year after.
Happy New Year!
Raymond Fong
P.S. Special thanks to my mentor for life - Chief Master Taejoon Lee of the West Coast Hwa Rang Do Academy and my good friend and business partner, Fernando Ceballos.
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About the Author: Raymond Fong
Member Since: 11/15/2007
I'm a Distributor For:: Numis Network
Other Company: Affinity Integration, LLC
Industry: Consulting
Primary Web Site: http://www.RaymondFong.net/
Thank you for this depth of Honesty...
Raymond,
I have spent the better part of a week doing this same inventory of myself. There are some great strengths in me that I have yet to fully develop because I was so afraid of the weaknesses I'd have to face to grow.
Introspection is a great tool, if we use it properly. It is too easy to get into our own heads and stay stuck there. Everyone issues, but if we just try to ignore them, we are doing ourselves, our business, our family and our friends a huge disservice.
As I was going through my personal inventory, I began what could be a dangerous journey of "what if"... I say dangerous because we allow those "what ifs" to hold us captive from what CAN be..
I realized that I am a much better person, wounded and healed then I would be if never wounded at all. I believe that is true of most people. It is what we learn in our weakest states that keep us humble and teaches us compassion. These are traits that are vital to any person seeking to lead others.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It's always great to hear leaders speak their truth. It inspires us to reach deeper and higher, to bring out the best in ourselves and others.
Keep up the great work you are doing. I so admire your honesty.
All my best in 2009,
Leigh-Ann ~
Wow Very Powerful Stuff
Hi Raymond,
Wow, That was definetly powerful. I am a huge admirer of that kind of honesty. It is Really Rare! I feel as though you had reached into my heart and read it like a book. So what do you do when you have HAD to be strong for someone else, even when needing strength yourself? Over the last few years I have gone through some stuff with my health and my husbands disability and I have had to live by the adage of " I don't have time to bleed and I will rest when I am dead" I am now starting into some seriously unknown territory. I actually prefer to call it Network Marketing, as opposed to MLM. I am way out of my comfort zone. It feels pretty good though, to not have to watch my back from My EX-JOB. Boy talk about a snake pit of nay sayers. I am finding that I am really enjoying connecting with others as I am finding that I need the connection to keep me from going too far into my own brain, as Leigh-Ann said. Maybe I am just trying to drown out the commitee of self-doubt in my head, because I would much rather think about this New way of life. I am looking forward to being successful, one step at a time and LIVE not just exist. So thank you for reminding me that I do have weaknesses to deal with. My only hope is to be able to relax just a little to be able to sit down and do that soul search, I have conversations with my maker every morning and he helps me get through the self-doubt. My husband is a very good and supportive guy and he is happy that I am throwing myself into this heart and soul. He even redid my office so that I am more comfortable. Pretty Cool!
Life will be Great for 2009! Hope you had and excellent New Year! May it be Happy, Health & Prosperous.
Ain't it fun :)
Kim
.
Leadership and Self-Deception
The title above is a book published by The Arbinger Institute that has been my Top Ten leadership books of all time.
I am always aware of the fact that being a leader does have its downfall, and that is of self-deception i.e. the ego as it always creates justifications for our thoughts, words and actions.
To distinguish what is ego and what is true self requires an enlightened, if not resolute, mind.
I believe you "heard" the sound of one hand clapping... ;)
Peace.
Philip.
Great Advice For The New Year
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes "I know what I don't know" and I'm comfortable in the fact that I do have weaknesses that need to be strengthened.Know one on this earth is perfect we're all a constant work in progress and you'll never grow as a human being until you confront the question of "Who you think you really are"
Thanks for reminding us Raymond!
Breaking through...
The Ego and false self don't go down easily, its a battle! Reminds me of the movie "The Dragon" the Bruce Lee story, how his demons haunted him finally doing battle with his fears. Does anyone truly ever completely overcome their dark side? Only Deities and Saints! Meantime we just keep climbing the ladder...
Raymond, I can't
Raymond,
I can't tell you how much your articles mean to me! This is excellent and so IMPORTANT! Not just powerful but important...so many people wonder why they don't achieve their goals, live their dreams or achieve success...YOU HAVE JUST BEAUTIFULLY explained how our own ego keeps us from having it all!
Thank you for once again being truly authentic and leading the way through your own experience!!
Best Regards,
Pamela Glowski
pam@gop1d.com
www.platinumwealthsolution.com
Are you the hunter or the hunted?
www.pamelaglowski.com
Similar Experience
i've had a similar experience just in the past month. it feels awful to see the truth of what you really are, especially when it's bad. a friend pointed out to me that i've got a problem, and i didn't want to hear it either.
i faced this reality and i'm on a journey to become a better person, a better entrepreneur, and a better networker.
at the same time i hope everyone set some resolutions for 2009. i think that goes hand in hand with some deep reflection about what you did during 2008, and what you want to achieve in life.
all of the best to y'all!
Powerful Stuf!
Hi Raymond!
As always, thank you so much for giving so much value to the community! I totally hear your question as I to have asked that as part of my new year introspection. I was actually planning on writing an article about what I heard at church this morning which is so in line with your question: Who Do You Think You Really Are?
I believe that who we think we are stems from many things but one thing identifies it more than others and that is "What is your CONVICTION?" It cannot be mistaken for an opinion...
To help one realize what their conviction is, here's a good rule of thumb:
"You will argue for your opinion but you will DIE FOR your conviction...."
Happy New Year to you and Ferny and I look forward to seeing more of you guys in 2009!
Many Blessings,
Emma Tiebens
www.youcanhopeagain.com
www.profile.to/emmatiebens
www.twitter.com/emmatiebens
"you find yourself having to
"you find yourself having to prove to the world"
Proving it to the world is easy, it's proving it to myself that I have trouble with. Am I really capable of being the person that I want to be?
Great article Raymond. Thanks for posting.
Raymond, home run
I am so loving your message here. I posted it to my blog. I have taken some time over the holidays to look long and hard in the mirror. I believe the closer we get to understanding who we are and the more acceptance of who we are, understanding that we are good enough for where we are at the moment, the more we can come to being our true authentic selves. When we face our demons, we can then acknowledge our weaknesses and not be ashamed or embarrassed by them but it gives us a direction for improvement. And, it gives us an opportunity to celebrate our strengths.
I think many times most of us feel we aren't good enough, but I wonder what kind of pressure we put on ourselves for perfection.
Thanks.
Reminds me of this book.
Great article Raymond!
It reminded me of a book I just finished which I highly recomend to anyone reading this. It's called "The Identity Code" by Larry Ackerman.
The Identity Code is designed to introduce you to yourself. Not the person you see in the mirror, physically speaking, or the one people necessarily interact with everyday, but the person inside. The powerful one. The one who knows more than you realize about your unique capacities and whose ability to create value in this world – and get rewarded for it in return – is remarkable.
Each of the 8 questions, which frame the book, begins with a brief story about someone whose life has been deeply affected by their identity. Sometimes, the outcome is positive and uplifting and will fill you with hope. In other situations, the result is sad and may leave you feeling unsettled.
Each of the eight questions concludes with a series of personal identity exercises, which will help you decipher your identity code. Taken together, these exercises constitute the Identity Mapping™ process. Consider this process a way to jump-start the work you will need to do on your own to make your identity the guiding force in your life.
Search for it on Amazon or your local library.
Cheers,
Michael
Hence My Confusion!!
Ray,
Well written! The very same thing you have expressed is how I have been feeling about how I can contribute to this forum.
Ya, I know stuff, but who am I?... but a culmination of so many wiser than I. I have helped people too but want to help more, but I always feel I don't know enough, even though I hold a degree and certifications.
The confusing part sometimes, is that you can wind up living life as a student and not contributing because of the feeling of insecurity. This is ego. We always have something to contribute; it could be simple like a supportive comment, a kind word, a smile or a hug. Just think of how you can add value to people with out expectation or conditions.
I am learning to step out of the way of my self. I look forward to learning and growing. Recognizing you have weakness and doing something about it leads to greatness. Humility is one of the keys to achieving success. After reading the purpose driven life many times, I have come to realize life is not all about me and am learning ways to be more deeply cognizant of the value of others.
Thanks for the transparency, openness and direction.
Dr Deb ND
Thank your buddy for the referral....
Ferny sent me an e-mail tellin me to read this......and I was truly happy I read it. You are a a good writer Raymond....
I'm a lil upset.................I wish I woulda read this article b4 the new year came...it coulda helped. I write about stuff like this ALL THE TIME....but some situations in my life it seems impossible to apply them too. I'm doing great in training my mindset for success with Internet Marketing.....but a few other things make my mind go blank and forget I know how to REALLY use the power of the mind. Anyways......thanks for posting this and tell Ferny thanks for letting me read it.
Balance
Ah, yes. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to take a good, objective look at ourselves and come face to face with the hiden aspects that we'd rather not see or own. We all go through life wanting everyone to see the "good", trying to hide the "bad" but one can not exist without the other. All of life is a great interplay of opposites....day and night, dark and light, war and peace, birth and death, man and woman. When we are able to let go of the judgements of ourselves, who we think we should be or what the world expects of us, and peel back the layers and labels that we identify with, then we can just BE. We can embrace ALL of who we really are.
Thank you for your inspiration and honesty.
Laura
Thanks, Raymond
for your honesty and vulnerability in this post.
There is an old Jewish tradition of carrying two notes, one in your left pocket and one in your right pocket. The one in the left pocket says, "I am but dust and ash." The one in the right pocket says, "For me the universe was created." You take out the note that is needed and read it each time it is needed.
For me, the left pocket is where I look at my weaknesses, not just once a year or once a month, but as often as they come up and bite me. And I can know when they bite me, because I just "don't sound like me." And the right pocket is where I remember what Nelson Mandela says is our greatest fear . . . that we really are wonderful and capable and deserving of success and blessings.
I have made lots of progress by examining the notes in my metaphorical pockets several times a day. I still have to figure other ways I hold myself back or project my ego instead of revealing myself, but that's okay. I just keep on keeping on with it.
Thanks again for your post.
The Secret
Reminds me of the quote:
Look within... the secret is inside you.
Thank you for the 2009 New Year reflections.
Connie Loeschen
You Have The Secret
Absolutely perfect. Thank you for writing this. One can tell it came from your depth and not a regurgitation of something you read. Very meaningful. Very true. That kind of soul searching is what changes a person to becoming more of who they truly are.
Paulette
www.paulettechristian.com
TWO THUMBS UP RAYMOND! I CAN
TWO THUMBS UP RAYMOND!
I CAN NOT EXPLAIN IT BETTER.
ESPECIALLY WITH MY ENGLISH!!