Playing the Victim

Written by Anthony Hosking on Oct 19, 2009 11:17 am

Being the victim. I will clarify that. I am in no way a victim to anybody or anything. But, unfortunately, the world is full of people that continue to be the victim. Whether they are a victim in a marriage, whether they are the victim of social violence or, whatever, these people are out there and I believe this all comes about because each of us has our own choices to make in life.

It has been said you are the architect of your own destiny. That’s very true in a lot of ways. Sure, apart from health issues we are the architects of our own destiny. We can say who we want to be, where we want to be and what time we want to be there.

But so many people can find fault with everybody but not themselves. They are never wrong. If they keep blaming everyone else for things that have gone wrong in their life or anything like that, they all of a sudden start to become the victim. And once you get into a rut of becoming the victim you will not get out of that, not without a great deal of soul searching.

I know a particular lady, I’ve known her some years now, she lives on the other island from where I am, she lives in Wellington, the capital city of New Zealand. She has always been the victim. She is not married, she will never get married. Why? Because she is waiting for the knight on the white charger who will come up and take her away and sweep her off her feet. But she is sitting back waiting for this to happen, dreaming of the white picket fence and everything that goes with it. But on the other hand she is crying down everybody that even tries to help her. It is all their fault why she is not happy. She is as miserable as sin. Why? Because she is being the victim.

Now, a lot of us come on the internet and we buy products and we get ripped off. The internet has made a lot of people gun shy over the years and they don’t buy a lot of things now for that very reason. What do you do? Do you cry about it or do you get off it and get on with it? It doesn’t do anyone the slightest bit of good to sit there crabbing about it. If that had gone better, if they had done that, if, if, if. Well the fact is, if you had made other choices in your life this would not have happened.

We are, indeed, our own worst enemy quite a lot of times. We often take things for granted instead of looking at them with a microscope, especially in this day and age when there are so many people out there who will rip you off at the slightest provocation. You must learn to stand on your own two feet. Now, most internet marketers can do that to a certain degree but something will come along and something will turn sour, their programmes turn sour or they are not getting visitors to their webpage, something is not right. Who are they blaming? They are blaming all sorts of things. The climate is not right. My browser keeps crashing. My web server is wrong. Something is wrong all the time. Why don’t they turn their fingers round and point them at their selves? Look in the mirror. That, buddy, is what is wrong. Your attitude to things.

I know some brilliant people on the internet. I was talking to one just a minute ago, Steve. He is one of those people who knows to get on with it. To stop crabbing about things. If you continue to find fault with everybody you will not find fault with yourself. Sure, that is a good way to go. You are not at fault. But, hey, when you really look at it you are at fault a lot of the times. I’m not saying all the time but a great deal of the time. You are to blame through the choices you have to make.

When we are born we come into the world. How long do we take to learn to walk? What do we do? We get up and we walk. We fall down on our back sides; we get back up again and so forth and so on. You all know, you have all done it. But, we got there didn’t we? That is why most of us walk this very day because we had the tenacity to stick to it. But over the years our peers have a lot to answer for. How many times have you heard “What makes you think you can do that? I know so and so can do it but you. You can’t do that.” You have heard all these things all these years and they have put negative thoughts and doubts in your mind to the stage where you don’t really believe yourselves and the only way you can cope with that is to blame everybody else.

But, we become victims, and I’ll tell you what, if you become a victim and you do not snap out of it you will always be a victim. You will never be a success at anything you try unless you have a mind change. Quite often this means a whole life change but you can do it. Take smokers for a start. They struggle to kick the nicotine habit but when it is all boiled down it is actually a life change. It’s not the fact that they decided to quit smoking. No. You have to decide to re-arrange your life and go on a different path. You will find that you can kick cigarettes. You can kick overeating. You can kick most things and without a great deal of medical help as well. But if you remain in the “Oh poor, pitiful me” state that is what you will always be. Hands up who likes to meet with a person who is always crabbing about something, always moaning. No, none of you. I certainly don’t. I try to stay away from people like that. I know one or two of them. I know one or two of them on the internet. There is always something wrong with something. Never themselves.

When you start to look at yourself, take a look in the mirror and see what you are looking at. This is you. You are everything you are looking for. Everything that you need to succeed in life is already built into you. It is yours. All you have to do is reach and pull it out. But so many people haven’t found that magic door so they continue to blame other people for their blunders instead of fronting up and saying “Oh oh, I did wrong there, I should change that.” Ladies and gentlemen I am sure that everybody can change. If you feel you are not a success in any way take a good hard look at yourself. Or get in touch in with me. I will tell you where you are going wrong. You might like the answer, and then again, you might not like it either.

But that is a risk you have to take and you can’t stand criticism, in which case if you are a victim you won’t stand criticism, because you are always criticizing other people. It’s never you.

You take a good hard look at yourself, look in the mirror, see what you are, see what you have to offer. You are unique, you are a beautiful person. You might not like the look of your hair, your face, whatever, you might be covered in pimples. So what, they are outward things. It’s what is inside that can’t be seen, that’s what really matters and that’s what helps to make you a better person.

So if someone upsets you and you think, again, I’m being upset again, I am the victim again, snap out of it. Think to yourself, now what could I have done so that things would be different? Is this really my fault? You will find that a lot of times it is your fault. As soon as you front up and explain to yourself (I don’t mean talk to yourself but explain to your mind) that you are the cause of a lot of things. You are the architect of your own destiny. If you want to be left on the rubbish heap all you do is organize your life like that. An architect when he builds a house, if he doesn’t want to make a good job of it he will build it on a sandy foundation, or he just wont be particular about it. What happens? The whole thing turns pear shape and falls down. That’s because he chose to do it that way. It was his choice. But you determine you build the biggest castle in the world on the strongest foundation you can also do it. There is nothing stopping you. The only thing stopping you is you. Y-o-u.

I know get a little bit heated sometimes when I talk like this but this is of grave concern to me. So many people are going round this planet with a face as long as anything, dragging on the ground when it doesn’t need to be that at all.

Count your blessings. What do you have? You have a house to live in. You have the internet. You have lots of things. People wouldn’t even dream of these things in some countries in the world. This is beyond their utter comprehension. They live under a sheet of tin, scratching through rubbish heaps to make a living for themselves and to get some food in their little bellies. Now, you could ask what happened to these people? Where is their choice? I will agree their choice is not very much but there have been many people who have dragged themselves out of the slums and gone on to be millionaires or gone on to be very successful people. I know that if you are in that click of people that are like that it is very hard to extricate yourself out of it, especially if you don’t know any better. In these countries they do not have education so they do not know this. But, hey, in the western world and many parts of Asia, in most parts of Asia now, we are an educated race. We know these things, so the sooner we stand up and own up and say that it’s all our fault if we are becoming a victim and change it nothing is going to happen. You will always remain a victim. Don’t let it happen to you. Step out of your shell. Step out, make a step of faith and get out there and be proud of yourself. You don’t have to blame everyone else and most times it is not their fault if you really have a good look at it.

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Anthony

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