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Can A Divided House Stand?

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Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Stephen Meyer on Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:32 pm

I've got a short saying I like to use, A Happy Wife Equals A Happy Life. It works for the ladies also except you don't change it you just remind your husbands or other person of it. :-)

This is a two part question.

The question is simple. How do you handle, deal with, or work around a spouse or significant other who really dislikes what you're doing or trying to do? To build a business it takes money. Some spouses see it as money wasted on a hyped up Internet scam. They see the time spent marketing as wasted time as well. I've seen couples get into mean arguments, fights over the issue and I've seen people quit and throw away their dreams because of it.

If you have ever had to deal with a doubting spouse who hates the idea how did you handle it? How would you advise someone in such a relationship?

Now part two. A little more complex in my opinion. What do you do when both people in a relationship love the idea of MLM but there's a slight difference of opinion. You have joined a company and you love it and your spouse really doesn't like it. Instead of joining you they have found a different company and completely love it.

Do you work both companies or abandon yours and join them to keep peace in the home? What if it's not a matter of keeping the peace but more of a desire to work with your spouse as a team but they won't give in or compromise.

What would you do and what would you advise someone else to do?

Thanks in advance.
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Barb Doyle on Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:49 pm

Hi Stephen,

The person you are married to does not have to like what you are involved in when it comes to network marketing. You may be married to someone who loves sushi and you hate it but that does not stop the other person from being able to eat sushi. Your spouse may love bowling and you hate it but that will
not prevent the other person from going bowling or being on a bowling league if they wish. Two people who are married are not going to love or hate the exact same things.

When it comes to marriage it is important to have things you like to do together but it is also important to be your own person and there is nothing wrong with each person developing separate interests. Sometimes a person can think that they hate something but the other person does it, enjoys it and the spouse is willing to take a second look and may even eventually like it. Who knows. How many people have disliked something and then later on down the road had a change of heart when they either took a second look, tried it or were taught how to do something and then liked it because they got the hang of it.

When it comes to a business there are many people who like the idea but they are not willing to do what it takes. Business is not for everyone and that is why there are a lot of employees. Many can't deal with the responsibility, the working on themselves, the risks or the getting out of their comfort zone.

The best thing to do with anyone is to ask questions to get to know someone. Provide information and let that person decide for themselves as to what is best for them. You can't convince anyone else of anything. You simply try to educate and then let that person know that whatever they decide will be great. If they decide to join you, you let them know you will help them in any way that you can but this business will be their business, you will not be building it for them. Something I see lacking in so many people is personal responsibility and accountability. Those are two crucial elements to succeeed at anything in life.

I think that it is important to really get to know someone and to educate them. Most people don't like network marketing because they are misinformed. Almost anyone who really understands the concept sees that this is the very best business that there is. If someone is independant enough who is married they will be able to succeed even if their spouse is not gung ho about it. When you are married you are not joined at the hip and you never know what might happen in the future. Say your spouse passes away one day. You will be glad that you did what it took to develop an ongoing income as well as what this business helps you to become. Usually as the checks come in that can turn around even the most negative of spouses.

When talking about the right network marketing business I believe that two people can work two different businesses. One person can see something in one business that the other person does not. If you are married to someone who is not really very health concious then they probably won't be too interested in that nutritional company that you are with. With any business it is important to do your due diligence as there are so many really bad programs out there and it is sad to see so many waste so much time and money. Don't get caught up in the hype. When it comes to an individual you want to focus on one business and not get caught up in thinking that you can be successful at building multiple companies. There is great power in focus. I hope this helps. Have a great day!

Peace, Health and Prosperity,
Barb Doyle, Sc.
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Charles Holmes on Tue Mar 06, 2012 3:09 pm

I don't believe a divided house can stand. Sure, you can each have your own interestes; that's great. But, ultimately you need and want your spouse's love, support, and encouragement. Most people will quit or give up if their spouse doesn't support them. And other people who stick with it, but don't have a supportive spouse, will probably end up divorced. Either way, it's a no-win deal. Even if your spouse doesn't like what you do, they need to be supportive.

If your spouse doesn't support you, it might be a wake up call that you married the wrong person!
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Stephen Meyer on Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:46 pm

If your spouse doesn't support you, it might be a wake up call that you married the wrong person!
Hi Charles, I knew a guy a few years ago who's wife had him thrown in jail so she could could run off with their stuff and some other person. I told him the same thing. :) Thanks for your reply

Hi Barb, I believe exactly what you said although sometimes it's hard to convince the other person. I don't think couples need to do the exact same things all the time. I've got many different interest than my wife and she has things I'm not at all interested in. Some things we can't do together because they are away from the home but fortunately some things we can work on independently while keeping each other company. The only problem and probably the biggest with a business is the cost. If one party isn't supportive and the other is off spending money that can lead to big problems. Money's one of the biggest reasons for Divorce. Of course once a few checks start coming in that problem is solved but how do you work around it until that point?
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Richard Bravo on Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:30 pm

.

Great question Stephen...
and one that many couples deal with in many scenarios where finances and the family's welfare are a central focus. It isn't exclusive to network marketing.

When we joined Life Force as an example some 7 or so years ago, we had already been in several "opportunities" that never panned out. My wife was invited to a meeting and called me to ask if she could join. I said sure, absolutely, no problem... Just don't spend any money.

I'm sure I was a bit of a jerk about it too and pretty sarcastic in my answer.
At the time we hadn't made anything over a few bucks, if that, from any mlm we had "tried."
Needless to say I was jaded.

At the same time I was serious...
Go for it - join, gitter done, but don't spend any money.
I wouldn't have stopped her from going to meetings or anything like that though or stopped her from trying.

I was jaded but not stupid.
I wanted to see solid proof that this time would be different.
Well thank God she sure as heck proved me wrong.

My point in answering with a story though is that in the many years I've been an entrepreneur I have never seen a single definitive answer that covers it for every couple... the answer is completely circumstantial.

I've seen many many divided couples come and go in our prospecting and it's always different.

I've seen some that were like us, one on the fence, waiting to see proof.
Others I've seen have been a little scary where the opposing spouse is near threatening to their mate that they cannot get involved with one of those blank-ity blank blank blank blank pyramid schemes.

I've seen the gogetter of the two break down into tears because their spouse says no.
And I've seen couples get into full blown battles over who's way will be victorious in the matter.

In some cases a divided house is simply one of them doing their own thing and their spouse s cool with what ever. In other cases one of them is waiting for proof. And in other cases it's time to step away and not get involved with inner conflict that some couples have.

Can a house divided stand?
It completely depends on the degree to which we're talking about.
There is no "one size fits all" answer.

But I will share this from my experience:
When you do come across the couple who is very divided on the topic to the point we're talking some counseling may be in order... BACK AWAY.

Don't get involved in people's baggage and try to play therapist.
It's not our role as business owners. You may carry a title of sponsor, but it isn't that kind of sponsor and this isn't an AA meeting.

Let them work it out. Pray for them if you want.
But leave it at that and let them come back to you in agreement if it comes to that.


~RB
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Dusty Smith on Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:23 am

Wow, great conversation on this topic!

I have joined or tried many opportunities my self, most of them my wife was not interested and then one we did both got on the program and products together, I had results from weight loss, and she did not! She loved the products but was not interested in the business side.

She sees most of what I try to do online as a hobby and not really a serious investment in our future, she does not say hey dont spend any money she just rolls her eyes and says oh my...here we go again!

I love her and want her support and encouragement in any thing I do, and vice versa...

She just wants to see results from the products or the work I put in!
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Adam Taha on Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:28 pm

Hi

Been there, done it. Though every couple is different. I was married before to someone years ago, where they weren't just not interested, but spiteful too, and sarcastic. Needless to say, she was out. Divourced.

I'm that type of person. If someone loves you, and you haven't egged them on about the biz, then no need for that person to act that way. It is far more to do with something else e.g. lack of self respect, lack of maturity because I'd always make this person important in my life but no matter what you do - if that person has values is not similar to yours, forget it.

Now, I'm married again, and before success, there was a lot of challenges. However there is a BIG difference.

This time, my wife encouraged, supported, she didn't care if it was MLM or washing dishes. She told anyone else to mind their damn business from our family affairs and if they are not willing to encourage, shut up. And no one talks bad about her man.

See the difference?

She took me for the whole package and so did I.

So, even though a spouse is not interested, it doesn't matter. Love, family comes first. A mutual respect and if there isn't any of it, it's dead. It can be developed but it takes two.

One thing to do, is lead by example which I have done always but if this is causing some challenges of sarcasm, of trying it on with acting stupid all time, making one look stupid in front of friends - she's out. End of the story.

But that's me, that's my values and it's my personal view in life.

Adam
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Hayley McKeever on Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:12 pm

I think in this situation (and really in any other where you are involved in high-volume discussions!) you have to talk, talk, talk. My husband didn't want me to set up my own Internet Marketing business, as in the past we've wasted lots of time and money on similar "opportunities". However, we took the time to talk things through and I showed him exactly why I wanted to do this. Then when he understood, we agreed a monthly budget that I could use to start things off and this made me feel fantastic! Now I have his full support and we are both happy spouses in a happy house!
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Stephen Meyer on Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:42 pm

Some interesting replies, thank you all

As far as leaving my wife goes, won't happen. May be an age thing and a strong desire to not start over again, either way it's not a possibility. Luckily that isn't a question i have to ask myself. It does appear a lot of couples do have to come to an agreement or their business is going to suffer big time. I agree with Richard, stay out of that mess.
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Re: Can A Divided House Stand?

Postby Jim Ticehurst on Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:05 pm

This website that we are on now becomes a divided house almost every day...does it still stand?
if two people disagreed over whether or not one of them should have a go at network marketing and the other one disagreed and that created a traumatic relaltionship then the problem is not in the discussion or the potential outcome of the discussion but in the relationship.

Of course the question might be a spin off of the discussion in question such as one partner not taking into considration the required expenditure?... but that is not an arguement over mlm but the potential outcome of the household budget which must always play an extremely important role, regards Jim T.
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